Today is a beautiful Boston Fall day which should leave me feeling exhilarated, fresh, motivated. But I've had some really bad days these past few weeks with the passing of my Dad's brother, my Uncle Tommy.
I've been absent on my blog because of this and it just didn't feel right to jump right back into blogging about flowers, brunches and and seemingly seamless days without being real first. Over the past few weeks I have had feelings of immense sadness, anger, weakness but also compassion, forgiveness and strength It goes without saying that the loss of my uncle has brought up past emotions of losing my own Dad and I've decided to go talk to someone about it. I can feel part of me saying I don't need to talk to someone, I will get through it just like I did when I lost my Dad 5 years ago, but I have a 6 month old this time and I know postpartum can happen for up to a year after having a baby. I want to be smart and healthy for her if anything else.
I do have my faith which has helped me get this far and will help me get back to a new normal, which we all do after a loss. I believe Jesus conquered death and I believe God loves us in our darkest moments. I've been reminding myself these things when worry and sadness start to creep in. I also believe my own pain has a purpose. I want to provide hope and strength to my cousins; it's an unfortunate bond that we now share and I choose to make it a strength of ours rather than a weakness.
"He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others..." 2 Corinthians 1:4
I don't talk much about these things on here because this blog is a fun creative outlet for me but just like anyone else I have really bad days. And among all of the perfect food pictures, my smiling baby and my "clean" house, I lose my temper, I feel inadequate and definitely insecure some days.
But I'll be back tomorrow posting about a quick Fall re-do I did in the living room. My heart is still beating and I am choosing to be life-giving by giving my time to others, being a healthy mom, and even writing on this silly blog.